CaH Confrontation Scenes
By Annie, Leah,† HonorH
& Viking Lass!
WARNING: Irreverence to all characters concerned ahead!
We had a little "challenge" on the Rysher Forum recently regarding how Cassandra reacted when confronted by the unexpected appearance of Methos in Duncan's dojo. One person felt that Cassandra (and Duncan) were overly judgmental of Methos given the passage of time. The challenge was made that they should offer up the scene rewritten to reflect their views. Although they ignored the challenge, I (Ann) did not...
Duncan: Ever hear of an Immortal called Kronos?
Methos (hesitating): Kr-Kronos?
Sound of elevator coming down and Methos and Duncan both turn, feeling the approach of another Immortal.
The elevator opens to reveal Cassandra, who steps out, a look of shock on her face.
She stalks toward Methos, drawing a sword from the inside of her coat.
Cassandra: Draw your sword.
Methos backs away in terror, shaking his head back and forth.
Methos: You don't know me!
Cassandra hesitates and lowers the sword...
Cassandra: You're right! It's been three thousand years since I last saw you! Why, you must have changed into a charming, wonderful man in all of that time! How could I be so monumentally stupid as to automatically assume that you haven't changed (even though Kronos obviously hasn't and even though Kronos is in town and here you are, charming as ever... what a unique coincidence)! I'm a foolish, stupid woman. D'oh!
Duncan: That's right, Cassandra. What do you think you're doing? Attacking my friend right here in my own home! How dare you! Why, you apologize to Methos right now or I'll have to ask you to leave.
Cassandra, hanging her head in shame: I'm so sorry, Methos. How could I ever have doubted someone as charming and cute as you?
They all join hands and sing a rousing rendition of Kumbaya...
Hopefully, we all agree that the dramatic potential in a scenario such as above is, well, nil. Leah had to one-up me, of course. She even had the temerity to put herself into the scene...although, to be fair, the same person who originally argued that Cassandra (and Duncan) were acting "irrational" by not automatically accepting Methos at face value did not respond to the original challenge but instead issued a challenge of her own. She asked how an outside observer would react if they witnessed the dojo confrontation and Leah felt compelled to write that scenario...
LEAH (To Cassandra): How about I pin him down and you can tickle him to death?
CASSANDRA: What?!! Who are you? Don't interfere!
LEAH: Look, don't give me any trouble, toots. I spend far too much of my time defending you. Duncan! He's making for the door! Stop him!
(MacLeod tackles Methos, who has been edging toward the exit in a panic)
METHOS: NOOOOO!!!! You don't understand! It wasn't me, MacLeod!
DUNCAN: It wasn't you who did what?
METHOS: It wasn't me who abducted and raped and murdered and brutalized and pillaged my way across the Bronze Age Near East, 3,000 years ago! It wasn't me who enslaved Cassandra! I swear!
DUNCAN: Then...how do you know what she was about to accuse you of?
METHOS: Lucky guess....? Listen, I've changed!
DUNCAN (wrinkling his nose): And you're gonna have to change again. I think you peed yourself. (Hauls Methos back to his feet and hangs on to him by the collar).
LEAH: Actually, he has changed.
LEAH: He's off the blue face paint. It started to give him hives. And he's clean off of mass murder. It gets too much attention on CNN. Plus the pillaging is at a minimum these days--it makes things too complicated at tax time. He doesn't abduct women anymore to have their way with them. He pursues and harasses them into despairing surrender. But he can do a really convincing cute now.
METHOS, still dangling from Mac's hand by his collar, desperately tries to project "cute" at Cassandra.
CASSANDRA (staring): He looks nauseous.
LEAH: He had breakfast with Kronos. You'd be nauseous too, if you had cold fried chicken.
CASSANDRA: So let me get this straight. I'm supposed to forgive him because he's gotten cute.
LEAH: And I understand he can whip up a really great bowl of road tar...
DUNCAN: Methos, how do you know Cassandra?
METHOS: We had a little property dispute in the past.
CASSANDRA: Oh yes...I was your property and I disputed it!
METHOS: It's been 3,000 years! Can't you just let it go?
CASSANDRA (incredulous): Just forget it all? All of us should forget any of this ever happened?!
METHOS: Well...not everything. I wouldn't want Duncan to forget I could score a fine-looking chick like you.
LEAH: Give me your sword, Cassandra. I want to kill him.
DUNCAN: Nobody's gonna kill anybody! Especially not two of my friends.
LEAH: I thought you weren't supposed to interfere. Not that it's ever stopped you before, mind you...
METHOS: May I make a suggestion?
METHOS: How about I become your slave for a couple of years?
CASSANDRA (considers it for a moment in silence)
METHOS: Think about it...the three of us will off Kronos, and I'll wait on you hand and foot for free until my debt is paid.
CASSANDRA (slowly): And all the other parts between your hand and foot too?
LEAH: Think fast, Pony-Boy. Your alternative is to spend two lovely weeks in frozen Bordeaux with your former attractive Bronze Age buddies, trying to juggle keeping MacLeod alive and trying to keep Western Europe from getting Ebola. With a charming side trip to a Romanian Lunatic Asylum.
METHOS: The answer is yes!!! Oh, yes!!!
LEAH: Now we can all sing "Kumbaya."
Have your own "take" on how the initial confrontation scene could have been handled differently? Write it up (serious or a parody like ours), send it to us, and we'll add it here, if you like!
Ran across another challenge at Leah & Annie's--
Posted by HonorH the Arctic Wolfe on Thursday, 20 April 2000, at 7:22 p.m.
and decided to do something about it. This is, IMHO, what *should* have happened when Cassandra discovered Methos in DM's loft. It's in screenplay format 'cause I'm lazy.
(Scene: DMís loft during "Comes a Horseman". DM has just asked Methos about Kronos, and they both feel the Buzz. The elevator opens to reveal Cassandra.)
M: Um . . . who is this?
(Cassandra starts swearing and pulls out her sword)
M: You donít know me.
C: Do you think I could ever forget you?
M: Iím very forgettable!
(Cassandra, apparently unconvinced, comes at him with her sword.)
DM: Is there something I should know about here?
C: Yeah. Your friend here was one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I should know; I had to clean the horse (blanked for airing on USA) off his (blanked for airing on USA) boots every (blanked for airing on USA) night!!!
DM: (to Methos) Is that true?
M: Well, truth is such a tricky concept (dodges as Cassandra attempts to skewer him), and I really donít think (ducks) that I can really (jumps over the couch) be the last word on it. Would you mind helping me out here?
DM: She seems a mite miffed, Methos. You going to tell me why?
M: (ducking yet again as Cassandra tries to take his head off) Who can tell with women?
C: Iíll tell you why. (Slashes at Methos) It wasnít enough (jabs) that he decimated my village. (Feints, then stabs, poking a hole in Methosí jacket as he dodges) He had to take me as his personal (backhanded stroke) slave girl!
(Methos tries to hide behind DM.)
DM: What do you have to say, Methos?
M: I know it sounds bad, MacLeod, but really . . .
(Both men jump back and "eep" as Cassandra slashes low.)
DM: Now, Cassandra, I know youíre upset, but can I stay intact, at least?
C: Sorry. Oh, no ya donít, Pony-boy! (Jumps in front of Methos as he tries to leave.)
M: Now, Cass, be reasonable . . .
C: (shrieking) Reasonable?! Not only did I have to learn to do those ten disgusting acts you were so (blanked for airing on USA) fond of, not only did I have to prepare your food, cool your drinks, and warm your bed, I had to get dirt, sweat, and bloodstains out of your (blanked for airing on USA several times) white laundry, and I didnít exactly have Clorox!!!!
M: Well, things were different, you know? (Jumps to the side) I was a conqueror. (Ducks) Certain things were just expected of me, you know? (Clambers over the couch. Cassandraís blade cuts open the leather).
DM: Och, not my couch! (Starts following the feuding couple around the loft.)
M: Now, Iíll admit it was probably no picnic from your end (ducks again. Cassandraís follow-through stroke sends a vase flying. DM catches it.) But I havenít been that way for so long (dodges another stroke, which cuts down a hanging plant in a ceramic pot. DM dives and manages to catch it before it hits the floor.) that I thought maybe we could have a dialogue, you know.
C: Dialogue? Iíll show you dialogue, Methos! (Her next speech is completely blanked for airing on USA. Her gesticulations send several photos and knick-knacks flying, while DM plays catch.)
M: Well, I wouldnít have put things that way . . . (dives under a table. Cassandra lifts her sword for another swing)
DM: Noooooo!!!! (Throws himself over the table) Please, Cassandra . . . itís Chippendale!
C: (lowering sword) Oh. Sorry. Itís a lovely piece.
DM: Yeah. Iím gonna take it on Antiques Roadshow.
C: The Keno twins will be excited to see it, Iím sure. Freeze, Blue-face!
(This time, she gets Methos cornered.)
M: MacLeod? Unless you want your apartment demolished by a Quickening, youíd best do something!
DM: (blanked for airing on USA), heís right! Cass, maybe we could work something out.
C: The only thing there is to work out is whether I use a butter knife or a grapefruit spoon to take off his head!
M: That doesnít leave a lot of room for negotiation.
DM: Hey, maybe he could work for you for awhile, Cass.
C: (appears to think about it) Work for me?
DM: Yeah, you know. You were his slave, so maybe he could be yours for a few years.
M: (squawks) I thought you were on my side!
DM: Dead or working, Methos. Your call.
M: Are those my only two options?
C: Yes. I think thatíll do. He comes to be my personal servant foróletís see. How about a century?
M: Now thatís not fair! You were only with me for a year, if that!
C: Well, it felt like a century!
M: Iíll trade you straight across: one year for one year.
C: Not even, Pony-boy. A decade at the very least.
M: Fine. But if itís to be a decade, no nookie.
C: Unacceptable. Nookieís part of the deal, or your head goes flying. Also, I want back rubs and foot rubs daily.
M: Five years, and Iíll throw in manicures.
C: (looks at nails, looks speculatively at Methos) Fine. Itís a deal. But you realize that includes nookie whenever I wantó
C: Wherever I wantó
M: Bedroom, living room, laundry room, fine.
C: And *how* ever I want.
M: (goes pale) You donít mean . . .
M: Oy vey. Every day?
C: And twice on Sundays.
M: Even I may not be able to do that.
C: Youíll think of a way, Iím sure. Now letís go hunt down your brother. (Sheaths sword and heads for elevator)
(Methos follows, consternation evident in his face)
M: Look, I know Iím good, but you might be asking a bit too much, Cass.
C: Iím sure you can handle it, big boy. You did back then.
(Methos and Cassandra look uneasy suddenly.)
M: I donít think you want to know.
C: Youíre too young. It would only embarrass you.
DM: What? What?
(They exit, DM still questioning them)
Mushy, Romantic Answer to challenge for a different Methos/Cassie confrontation - PG13 rating
Posted by Viking Lass CWPack Head of the Methos/Cassie Eternal Love & Reconciliaiton Club on Friday, 21 April 2000, at 10:25 a.m.
We all know I'm the HOPELESS ROMANTIC and that I love Cassie. and I've put off answering this old challenge. But here's my attempt. If you don't like schlock romance, then don't read it. OK?
"Kronos?" Methos' voice cracked. His mind reeled. What else was going to go wrong today?
Then he and MacLeod both felt the Buzz. A beautiful brunette was approaching in the descending elevator. Her sword brandished she said, "You?"
Methos looked startled, his eyes darting left and right but then he slowly relaxed. Eternity seemed to pass when not a word was spoken. Mac looked from one Immortal to the other in an attempt to understand what was going on.
Then Cassandra said in a high pitched voice, her facial features having softened, "Pookie?"
Methos shook his head in affirmation and said cutely yet dramatically, "Puffkin."
Cassandra dropped her sword with a loud clang and said, "Oh, Pookie, I'm so glad I found you. I was hunting Kronos because I thought he would lead me to you and I was right. Oh, Pookie, I missed you."
"Puffkin, I missed you too."
"Pookie? Puffkin?" MacLeod asked but neither Methos nor Cassandra heard him. At that very moment melodramatic violin music came up and Methos and Cassandra ran to each other across the length of the Dojo in what seemed to be slow motion.
The violins continued and MacLeod muttered to himself, "Where'd the violin music come from?"
The two ancient Immortals embraced in a kiss that seemed to go on forever. All pun intended.
And they kissed.
And they kissed.
When they came up for air their hands started to undo their clothing and they dropped down to their knees and then Methos was on his back and Cassandra was straddling him.
MacLeod was flabbergasted. He opened his mouth to speak, to protest that this was his home, his Dojo, that they couldn't be doing thisÖ.but no words came out only incomprehensible sounds. Quite soon though, his inarticulate sounds were drowned out by moans.
Then MacLeod felt the Presence of another Immortal. Melvin Koren, Kronos was at the door to the Dojo, his sword drawn. When he saw Methos and Cassandra on the floor he shook his head, smacked his hand to his forehead in exasperation and said, "For crying out loud! They're at it again!" Then he angrily sheathed his sword.
Kronos then looked at MacLeod whose jaw was still on the floor and said, "Do you always allow such public displays of affection in your home, MacLeod?"
Duncan still couldn't make sense of the events going on in front of his eyes.
"If she's got her claws in him, they'll be at it for a while. Come on I'll buy you a drink."
Duncan licked his lips and made his way to Kronos. This was very strange indeed. Kronos and MacLeod looked at the couple on the floor and Kronos shook his head in disappointment.
"While we're out, we might want to rent those two a room. And forget taking over the world, I'm taking a vacation."
Duncan shrugged his shoulders. Then the moans grew louder. MacLeod seemed uncomfortable, who wouldn't be?
"Let's go get those drinks," he said to Kronos and pulled him out the door.
"OOOH, PookieÖ.OOOH PuffkinÖ.," could be heard as the door to the Dojo closed.
Janeen Grohsmeyer has also written a version of this scene. You can find it at: There Goes a Horseman.
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